Starting over.

I didn't keep up with this like I wanted. I'm going to try again. I need to lose weight. Not for my health. Not because I'm in very real danger of developing diabetes. I need to lose weight so I'm able to quit going crazy. I'm living at home now. A home full of normal people food. A home full of food I shouldn't eat, but do anyway because there's nothing else, and I'm hungry, damnit. I disagree with the sentiment "nothing tastes as good as being thin feels". Being fat tastes pretty damn good. I need to lose weight so I can quit thinking about losing weight all the time. No, I don't need counceling. I don't need to feel good about myself. I feel just grand about other aspects of my appearance; I have some of the prettiest hair around, people would pay good money to have my smile, and I have arguably the best boobs in the greater cincinnati area. That is almost enough. Almost. It surely won't take long to get to the wieght I want. When I was in the pinnacle of dieting dicipline, I was losing a pound to a pound and a half a day. My body wants me to lose weight. My body needs me to lose weight. But I have no self control. When I'm stressed out and sad eating comforts me. But I can't stress eat. I do not have a normal metabolism. I do not have a normal endocrine system. When I figure out a way to do something else with my stress, I'll let you know. It's hard. But I have a pretty thick skin that is able to deal with all other aspects of life. I'm sure I'll get to a point when I'm able to look in the mirror naked and not want to cry. But I am positive that is not going to happen until I lose weight. Until the stretch marks on my stomach and back and everywhere go away, until I get out of plus sizes, until I'm sure people quit seeing me as a fat slob who doesn't care and is weak, I will not be completely happy.